I Paid $50 For A Tinder Coach And All I Got Was This Sense Of Doom

I opened the Facebook chat with my Tinder coach expecting to walk away with a hilarious story. It's a coach for Tinder; how could it be anything but? But one hour, $50, and five extensively researched photos later, I had only one thought: Holy shit, that was depressing.
I Paid $50 For A Tinder Coach And All I Got Was This Sense Of Doom